No Pressure

It seems that the way that I'll get more written, is to not worry about writing. It might seem backwards to some, but to others, it will make sense (I hope).

If I LET myself write instead of MAKING myself write, then I might make more progress. It seems to me that this stems from my stubbornness and enjoyment of contradiction. I even rebel against goals that I set for myself.

This is clearly an unhealthy way to go about life. And I just put the pieces together. SO SMART.

Maybe the reason I haven't done anything productive with my life lately is that I am being forced to do them, instead of viewing them instead as a pleasure or something to look forward to.

Things I'd like to do before the weekend starts:
1. At least two loads of laundry
2. Clean closet
3. Go grocery shopping for anniversary dinner
4. Stamp dinner placemats

Clearly I fail

Didn't write a single entry in June. Way to go me.

This is a deep disappointment to me. I truly wanted to refresh my commitment to writing. I don't know what it will take for me to change and start to write again.

I have absolutely no motivation to make this change.

I know that I should make an honest effort to start writing again. But it's been two years since I've been in school. And I'm terrified that I've lost all my writing mojo, and did I even have any to begin with?

We'll just have to wait and see.

Doin' What You Do

There's a song in a commercial that is really cute and gets stuck in my head. As is usually the case with songs stuck in heads, there is actually only one line that I can remember. "Don't- Stop- doin what you do!" It has a light, encouraging kind of sound and a cutesy kind of head-bobbing little rhythm.

On my pinterest account, I have a board called "Words". It has little sarcastic remarks, interesting thoughts, and wise words. It seems that this one is relevant at this point of life (namely, one's mid-twenties), "If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done."

Hmmmmm. What does that mean? To change? Or not to change? THAT ... 

is not the question. 

The questions is HOW can we change? Or WHAT should we change?

Because of course things change whether or not you give them permission. Seasons won't stop turning into one another and nieces and nephews won't stop growing like weeds just because you decided to be stubborn one day and decided that change was something that you could certainly do without. But at the same time, a person is who they are. You are you, I am myself.

I AM myself. Myself IS what I am. How could I be anything else? I am 5'3", I am my parents' daughter, I am Latina, and I am a believer. Those are things that I am. Those things I cannot change.

Then there are things that I am...for now. I am a young adult, I am hungry, I am sitting in my kitchen, I am bad at my job. What makes these things less permanent then those I mentioned before? Why isn't being hungry as defining as being my parents' daughter? These are things that will change on their own.

As time passes, I will grow older, I will be fed, I will leave my kitchen, and I will improve at my job. These are temporary states. These are things that will change. And as such, these are the types of things that I can strive to change about myself in general. Some of these things I can speed up if I wanted to. What do I want that would make me change the way I've been doing things for couple of decades? What do you want? You want to get married, I want to do my job better, you want to be a daytime television host , I want to grow a garden, you want to live in a big house, I want to be a writer. I want to be a writer.

I've never had... being a writer. Maybe I've got to do something I've never done in order to have that which I've never had.

That's where the blog comes in. I am writing. You may say, "Hey, dummy. You are a writer, you majored in writing in college." 

"Indeed. I did major in writing in college," I may say, "but I was no writer."